Code word for a sadistic expert in torture techniques? Dentist!

I was at the dentist the other day, drooling onto the stylish paper napkin/bib they provide, and it occurred to me just how much it must cost to run a place like that. Sure they have normal overhead like any other business owner. They have to pay for things like employees, office space, specialized equipment, and of course the sadistic looking goggle/facemask/bionic monocle thing they wear to hide their identity, but that’s not the real cost of keeping a dentist office running.

As I sat there, helpless in that mid-evil torture chair, it was clear the real cost of keeping that place running was the energy expense of keeping the water that comes out of that little gun at sub arctic temperatures. I don’t know if they add some sort of chemical to keep it from freezing when it dips below -47 degrees, but there’s nothing like having an exposed nerve lasered with that diamond sharp stream of water.

When I finished screaming, I attempted to ask why the water was so cold, but the Novocain made me sound more like a trolling motor than a human being. I think my dentist understood me none the less, because he laughed, then told me he needed to dry the area with a little puff of air.

That’s when I was made aware of the other little pleasure of that particular office. Apparently, they had not only run their air lines through the same glacial cooling unit as their water system, they’d also pumped the pressure up to about 270 PSI. That little puff of air just about blew my eyeballs out.

Another half hour of torture and they let me out of the chair. I went by the receptionist’s desk to give her my insurance information, my checkbook, all my credit cards and my first born child. When she had exhausted all forms of payment she opened her appointment book and looked up at me with a gleaming white smile.

“When can I schedule you for your next appointment sir?”

Dentists are geniuses. Who else would we pay to torture us with so much pain? Ok, there are always lawyers and cable talk show hosts, but other than that, who else is there.

Anyone out there agree? I would love to hear from you, (especially someone that can get a really good deal on a portable water heater).

Thanks for coming by and happy reading!

I don’t speak Hillbilly, could you please send this back to me in English

The other day I was sitting on my office, sifting through the four hundred thousand e-mails I somehow receive between the time I go home and arrive the next morning, and came upon this doosey. It was a memo sent though the training division of a particular office, who shall remain unnamed. The memo had been sent to high level executives, as well as hundreds of other employees throughout the establishment, advising them of a computer based training program they were required to complete.

This in itself is pretty unremarkable, I’m sure many of you living out there in cubicle heaven have received similar directives. But take a look at his letter, keeping in mind that it came from an education department, and tell me if you don’t find the wording a bit… unusual.


All,

I need all those that have came to XXXXXXXX AFTER the month of
June to get to this site (below) and take some training. I need this to get
done ASAP to close out my year end log. Once training is complete, get me a
copy of the graduation. Below are the list for who needs to take
what course.

I’m wanting this closed out by Jan 12. Let me know if you have any
questions.


After I finished reading it, what else could I say but, “Wow.” If this is an example of the education department’s intellect, imagine what the rest of the company’s capable of. My only suggestion would be to promote this person into a position where their talents can really shine, like advertising or public relations. This person would be an ideal choice to handle the press release when they get hit with one of those pesky alien abductions.

To be fair, I am not saying this person is stupid. I didn’t even mean to imply hillbillies are stupid (I just thought it was a catchy title). I’m just saying if you’re going to send a memo out to half the world, you might want to have someone read it over. Maybe someone versed in more than a single syllable vocabulary.

Anyway, best wishes for the New Year and may you find your next interdepartmental memo as humorous as I found this one. When was the last time you read something that made you say “wow?” I would love to hear your stories.